I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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