Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
