just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
