im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
