i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Send help, water and tortillas.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
