How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
