dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
