I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
