He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
