using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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