P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
