Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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