shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
