I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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