I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You just made me feel so damn special
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
