Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
