i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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