she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
