I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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