Do you still have your period?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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