There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
