This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
