do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
