I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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