you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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