i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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