i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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