Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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