Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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