By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
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