Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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