i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
