It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
that is very illegal...i love you.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
