Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
