Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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