What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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