I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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