last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
