Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
