Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
