Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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