Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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