I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
