I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
