Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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