I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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