I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
