apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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