Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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