Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
