Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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